Transcript of a recent interview conducted at David Farrant's flat.Hoggy: David, on page 256 of The Mildewed Chalice1, your 89th book on the Highgate Vampire, you wrote "I bent low upon entering the crypt", yet in a March 8, 2002 post2 on the Vampires n' Vixens Forum, you wrote "I walked into the crypt with my head held high".
David: Yes, I suppose I did.
Hoggy: Well don't you see a glaring inconsistency and a rather vile lack of truthfulness there?
David: No, not really. Maybe I bent for a moment, then straightened up.
Hoggy: Don't you dare try and wriggle out of it, Farrant! Your statement in The Mildewed Chalice clearly contradicts your statement in Vampires n' Vixens!
David: That's true, but I have tried to explain it.
Hoggy: So you ADMIT that your answers are inconsistent!
David: They probably are, but what do you expect? We are talking about "vampire sightings" not brain surgery.
Hoggy: I've GOT you now, you evasive old rascal! You ADMIT inconsistency! Don't you? DON'T YOU?!
David: Sure. (sigh) Yes. Why not.
Hoggy: (dances around the room) Ah ha ha ha HAAA! Your integrity is dishonoured, Sir! Liar, liar, pants on fire! Ha ha HOO haa! Oh, they laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with geometric logic, that you have made inconsistent statements! (throws open window) DO YE HEAR ME OUT THERE, WORLD? I'VE BESTED FARRANT!!! ME!!!!!....
David: Erm, mind the window casing, it's a bit weak.
Hoggy: ...ME! ME! ME! I'M THE WINNER! I'M THE...(CRACK! SPLINTER!) AAAEEEEEYIIIII!!!!!! (SPLAT!)
David: Oh dear. Rotten luck, Hoggy. Now where's that bottle of wine I've put aside?
12 comments:
More like, where's the dustpan and brush!
David Farrant
Tidy up the mess and then have a glass?
That's right, Cat, nothing stands in the way of a glass of wine - even a squashed bacon sandwich!
David
"Hoggy: David, on page 256 of The Mildewed Chalice1, your 89th book on the Highgate Vampire, you wrote "I bent low upon entering the crypt", yet in a March 8, 2002 post2 on the Vampires n' Vixens Forum, you wrote "I walked into the crypt with my head held high"."
That's actually pretty funny you know. Seriously, I laughed until the folds on my stomach rippled under the heavy barrage of mirthy pleasure.
Sarah took advantage and jumped on top of me claiming it was either the ripples or the washing machine on full cycle.
I'm not known for my sense of humour, but I'd like you all to know that I'm actually a complete barrel of laughs.
In fact, I regularly hit the stand up circuit here in sunny Bournemouth and lock the doors to make sure my audience appreciates every single last joke and if they don't laugh the first time, they will the second, third, fourth...
David, Cat, Anthony...and even Craig, let's all be best friends forever.
I'll even add you to my MySpace, Facebook, Bebo, Wayn and ChocolateStarfish accounts.
People who fret over details of the Highgate "case" remind me of earnest Star Trek fans at a convention asking William Shatner why Scottie could recharge the dilithium crystals in episode 12 but not in episode 44. Shatner would usually tell them, "It's a f-ing TV SHOW!"
The post under the username "Demonologist" for June 22, 2009 3:56 PM, is someone impersonating me and therefore fraudulent. It has been reported.
Anyone can link any name to anything and this one links to my profile, but, please note, the bogus post using my identity does not carry my icon, nor can it.
My sole reason for commenting is to warn of this impersonation.
Thankyou for pointing that out Demonologist.
I shall be on the lookout for frauds bearing the name Demonologist but not the special icon that only real special people can have.
Maybe I could call myself Overseer...unless Overseer decides to go running to tell Sir as well.
"Sir, Sir....look what that persons doing. They're using my name and it's not fair. Tell 'em Sir, go on tell 'em off"
Am I close to the mark Sean?
You poor wretched fool.
"the bogus post using my identity does not carry my icon, nor can it"
What? You COPYRIGHTED an icon? I bet it's fun searching the web daily to police several billion people from using it!
The point is one of deception.
You are trying to give the impression that I am posting when I am not.
Hence your posts are being falsely attributed to me.
The British Overseer cannot be confused with the Australian Overseer because each declares their country of origin, each has an identifying icon, and each represents an identifiable viewpoint consistent with their stance on topics they share.
Yes, but it wasn't always that way, was it Sean?
I mean you not only hijacked usernames for your own ego, but also board names.
Ah the beauty of usernames, however ugly they may be.
How dare you make light of my award, Cat!
I earned it fair and square! Fair and square I tells ya!
Well, anyway, I still think you're a jerk-off, but I guess we all need some humour in our diet, eh.
And don't worry, Cat...one day...you might even succeed! :D
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