BOURNEMOUTH - In an effort to fluff up their sagging resources, Bishop Bonkers and his wife have joined their talents together for a new enterprise: the city's first combined Church/Strip Club called "Bibles & Baps".The bishop plans to conduct religious services and entertain tradesmen with a variety of exotic and "erotic" female performances along with the usual demonic exorcisms. Of the couples' new business, a city official observed, "Makes sense, don't it? They're each focusing on what they do best"
8 comments:
I did hear rumours about this Cat (that she'd 're-vitalised her 'old profession') but thought it best to 'play these down' because his new 'Church' - as yet - has not yet become fully operational.
When it does (as it is apparently in the process of doing) we should certainly be in for yet some more scandal.
Talk about the "Actress and the Bishop". It should read "The bishop and the failed actress . . . but come and see more!"
David Farrant
I know this blog is satire and much of it is very amusing, but I am not sure how much of it the bishop's wife deserves. Surely its bad enough being married to a deluded cult leader who is always right and who wrote a demeaning book about how he rescued you from the clutches of Satanist. I think it would be more useful to investigate WHAT IS going on with his Church and what activities he actually undertakes in the name of his Bishoppric. I have tried this before with a certain ertswhile friend and I think David will agree in that we made a lot of progress in uncovering a real dickipoggy nest of bishops all parading around in frocks and teapot cosies calling themselves bishops of this that and the other.And all slagging each other off saying t'others werent real. Trying to find out the church services and details of the "retreat house" and the ministry of the bishop was donej out of genuine interest and concern but resulted in zero evidence from Bonkers as to what his church and its message was really about. GW
I mean to say also, just imagine the stess of being married to a vampire hunter--any vampire hunter--"Where are you going tonight dear?"
"Off to kill a few vampires."
"Hmm" thinks "I 've heard some excuses but hunting vampires sounds a bit far fetched ?"
There was the situation of the three cars also, the carbon footprint of Bournemouth--one for "pastoral duties" one for "rugged terrain" (in Bournmouth?) and one for"emergencies"--what sort of emergencies, and surely one care would suffice for all three situations? No mention of the Bishops wife having a car as well.
Anyone who voluntarily chooses to live under such bizarre circumstances should be admired, and at the end of the day its not for us to pry into what goes on in a marriage, though the mind does boggle somewhat. It must be either true love, money or something else--the last could be open to many speculations. However I only know of one occasion when she has taken up the cudgels on hub's behalf and that was on the Highgate Nowher Message board some years ago.As a ladee myself I would think it more chivalrous of you, Monsieur TicklyWhiskers, to stick to the real villain.
tata
gw
tata gain
The story did not say Bonky's wife was working as a prostitute, Barbara, but it did poke fun at her slightly 'sexy' past history. No, the Cat cannot shy away from focusing the laser of satire in any direction. Wait until you see the story about the Pudding.
Fair enough, pussywillow, well, as bonky would say, "Just off to shoot a few vampires,m'dear, don't wait up--or do wait up, I fancy a nice cup of cocoa when I get back, vampire hunting is hard work!"
You have got me started now.
The Bishops Diart.
SUNDAY--stay in bed as no churchin which to say a service
Computer
Monday---Computer, out on the town in my best frock, bestowing blessings and looking out for ladyboys, satanists floosies and aliens etc
Tusday computer, sleep all day, out vampire hunting in local churchyards
Wednesday Eorcisms all day, computer
Thurday Just computer
Friday day off except for computer
Saturday checking all the posts to see what the interloping charlaton and his league of miscreants have been up to
Sure you could improve on this!
As to this 'Bibles and Baps' - I presume 'baps' is American for 'boobs' - it reminds me of Anton LaVey, the founder of the Church of Satan. In the 1960s he was a professional organ player, among other things he played it in a strip club in San Francisco on Saturday nights, and in a nearby church on Sunday mornings. He observed that the two institutions were to some extent attended by the same men, so that combining the two would be something of an economy measure!
As to Bonky's wife, what I was told was that in the 1980s she used to work in Kensington Market in west London,which catered for a specialised clientele. I used to go in there myself: on one occasion, at a certain stall, a girl asked me: "Can I help you?" I said: I'm interested in these handcuffs." She replied: "Do you want to try them on?" I did, so she put them on me, and then showed how they could be unlocked again. The purchase made, as I went she said: "Enjoy wearing them." This was in the daytime, apparently the bishop's future wife worked in various West End nightclubs in the evenings, I can't imagine what she did there!
Gareth J. Medway
It's no wonder you did not recognise "baps" -- it is an expression used by the 'younger generation' in the UK. So sorry old man!
Baps mean teacakes in Yorkshire!
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