Is Bishop Bonkers dead? New evidence points to the startling conclusion that the vampire-hunting poseur died over two years ago. Information Technology expert Nigel Huxtable, a former employee of Geek Squad located at Portal Way in London says that in December of 2007 a Bournemouth widow employed him to install a software program on her computer that could authentically mimic the Bishop's responses in online forums and carry out a grisly charade designed to fool his enemies and retain his supporters.
"It was really quite an easy hack", remarked Huxtable. "I wrote a Windows PC software program that scans online blogs and forums for trigger words such as VAMPIRE, HIGHGATE, FARRANT, or TEA POT COSY. It then automatically generates an appropriate response by assembling cut and paste prose from among the extensive archives of the Bishop's writings." On cue, Huxtable demonstrated for me how his program creates a typical response to an innocent blog comment about vampires: "FARRANT IS AN INTERLOPING CHARLATAN AND BANDWAGONEER WHO HAS AN AXE TO GRIND AGAINST THE AUTHOR OF THE HIGHGATE VAMPIRE. THIS CONVICTED CRIMINAL ENGAGES IN SLANDER AND A PLETHORA OF FALSE ALLEGATIONS" read the resulting text. "It's amazingly authentic", bragged Huxtable, "most people are convinced the Bishop is still alive and posting away with his sock puppet accounts."
When asked if he was sure the Bishop was actually deceased, Huxtable's answer was: "Oh yes, he's really dead. I saw his corpse laid out on the grass as they were preparing a shallow grave beneath the outside loo". Huxtable says he was paid £5,000 for his troubles and maintains he has violated no laws. "I'm only doing what his widow asked me to do", he added.
4 comments:
Well, that explains why he posts the same thing over and over.
I wonder how the sock puppets are holding up?
No, the Bishop was supposed to have kicked the bucket many years ago when he was fatally wounded in a duel with David on Highgate Hill.He was taken to a French Nunnery and nursed back to health, and a Memorial Funda was started for him.He was Lord Manchester then not the Bishop.
I hate to kill a wonderful rumour, Cat, but Bonky is very much alive. Somebody called 'Mark' spoke to him in private on the phone last week at his home in Bournemouth.
It is true I was rumoured to have 'killed' him in an 'occult duel' in 1978, but I'm afraid that was just a 'publicity gimmack' put out by the 'other side'!
David Farrant
The Bishop is definitely alive, just the other day he telephoned the offices of Fortean Times to complain about the review they had published of David Farrant's autobiography. Neither the editor, the founding editors, nor the reviews editor were present at that time, so the unfortunate art director (who of course had nothing to do with the review) had to listen to him for a whole hour. He gave his real name (in contrast to past occasions when he has given a pseudonym and made a feeble attempt to put on a fake accent) and announced that, unless they published an apology, he would sue them for libel. The magazine have had the sense to ignore him.
Gareth J. Medway
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