Lock Up

Hard hit by the Manchester-Farrant Feud recession, it's inevitable that some blogs have downsized or closed their doors. We shall follow suit. I don't have to tell you that the rapid rise in advert sales in Fall 2009 put us over the top for a time. Bloated with profits from sponsor deals, we bought a shiny new Jaguar XJ, leased a posh Hyde Park mansion, and purchased Tiffany bracelets for each of our mistresses. And then, the bubble burst. Solicitors from Bournemouth arrived at our door bearing claims of intellectual property theft. Sponsors were harassed. Cash flow dwindled, then ceased. Well, no sense miaowing over spilt milk, eh? Some say The Cat's Miaow represents a rich repository of satire, artwork, and, more importantly -- actual dialogue between the two camps -- that some Feud scholars would give their right arm to study. So the usual exhortations apply: archive any material you wish to save before it eventually, over time, disappears. But what won't disappear is our marvelous cast of humourous characters: David, Bonky, Puddin', Barbara, Gareth, Hoggy, Craig...and of course, the Highgate Vampire. I have a funny feeling you'll be seeing them all again.

Feud Level at All Time Low

The 2009 holiday season has passed with no freak-outs, fights, dust-up's, groundbreaking reconciliations or major revelations concerning the Terrible Two. The Cat's Miaow saw declarations of boredom from both parties. Even the dialogue on Andrew Gough's Arcadia forum has gone from tempestuous to tame with the Bishop withdrawing from the fray. What's next for England's longest running feud? Absolutely nothing?

Fancy a Pint?

Rumour has it David Farrant and "Demonologist" will be sharing more than verbal barbs in the near future. The two are this (holds fingers 5mm apart) close to meeting for a friendly beer in the cozy interior of Highgate's Woodman Pub. The only question is who will pick up the tab?

Squabbling Crashes Arcadia

Visitors to Andrew Gough's Arcadia looking for its forums got an error message instead today. IT managers say the crash was due to unrelenting arguments in the "Highgate Vampire" thread, particularly the actions of one user. "If you keep asking the same question over and over," said a spokesman, "eventually the 1's and 0's will undergo a catastrophic failure".

Side by Side! (actually, Farrant on Top)

Andrew Gough has done it again. Barely two weeks after he shattered precedent by cajoling the Bishop into appearing alongside arch-rival David Farrant on his forums, the bollocky impresario of Arcadia has published 17 Questions With David Farrant to go along with the Bishop's 17 Questions interview.

Astute Feud Followers marvel that the Bishop's long standing rule of never appearing in the same venue with Farrant has been thoroughly bent and nigh well busted for good. Not since 1970 have our Terrible Twosome voluntarily appeared on the same page together. What does it mean? Are they getting too old to fight? And what comes next? Friendship? Pub crawls together? Who knows what would happen then. Pages full of dizzy website arguments would vanish. The Cat's Miaow would close its doors. Young men in Australia would languish. Ceramic cup-makers children would go hungry. It's too terrible to think about!

BPOS To Market Tea Cosy

The BPOS announced that it plans to offer a series of household products by mail order, including a tea cosy specially manufactured in festive ecclesiastical colours, lovingly embroidered with the BPOS logo. "Our fans fancy a spot of tea now and again" said a spokesperson, "and why not give them something to enjoy it with?", adding that those wishing to order a BPOS teapot cosy may leave their requests on the bulletin board outside the Jackson Lane Community Centre on Archway Road.

Bonky Bails Out

After nearly two weeks of cohabiting Andrew Gough's Arcadia forum with David Farrant, the bishop has fled. Regarding the bishop's sudden exit, forum members observed:

"The contrast between (the bishop's) demeanour on this forum and that of David Farrant, who has answered sometimes very personal questions with candour, gentleness and humility, is very noticeable."

"Is the bishop usually this rude to people he doesn't know?"

"From what I have seen, Mr. Farrant shows himself to at least be a gentleman. I guess 'manners 101' was not one of the courses in bishop school."

A tip for the bishop: try a different signature photo. The one of you looking away from the camera makes you appear stand-offish and remote. We also wonder if David was taught his manners in 'Witch School', and if you might be able to audit the class?